I'd like to steer us away from all the political gobbily gook and back to what we all love most about this blog ... The objectification of hot, shirtless, boys.
Here is hottie and steroid free Decathlon Olympic Gold Medalist Bryan Clay.
In the words of Larry Flynt, "The pervert is back!"
Sunday, August 31, 2008
How HARD Is Your Dec, Bryan?
Focus On Qualifications, Not Gender!
Over the next two months, Democrats and all equal minded people have to be extremely careful not to attack Gov. Sarah Palin for her gender. Sen. Clinton was treated horribly for her gender, and I think it lessened all of us.
So instead, borrow from President Ronald Regan. You can quote him on why this move by the McCain camp is such bullshit:
"I believe that someday we are going to have a woman president, possibly during my life, and I've often thought the best way to pave the way for this was to first nominate and elect a woman as vice-president. But I think Mondale made a serious mistake when he picked Geraldine Ferraro as his running mate. In my view, he guessed wrong in deciding to take a congresswoman that almost nobody had ever heard of and try to put her in line for the presidency ... I don't know who among the Democrats might have been a better choice, but it was obvious Mondale picked Geraldine Ferraro simply because he believed there was a 'gender gap' where I was concerned and she was a woman."
Those are the words of Ronald Reagan in his 1991 memoir, "An American Life".
Juno in Juneau
There are now rumors circulating that Gov. Sarah Palin's newborn baby is not her child but her, duh duh duh duh, GRANDCHILD.
Click HERE to read the article.
I don't know if it is true but man, it certainly puts the GOP in gossip.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Barney Smith, Unlikely Democratic Hero
If you watched the convention on network tv or CNN, et al, you might have missed one of the short speeches done before Obama spoke. These were voters selected by the Obama camp to represent "ordinary Americans". One of them, a guy named Barney Smith, made the crowd extremely happy. I'm willing to bet it's the first time he's ever heard his name chanted by 80,000 people. Go Barney!
PS - Still fuming over Sarah Palin. Just in case you were wondering.
Gov. Sarah Palin
In an election where McCain has repeatedly gone after Obama for being too inexperienced to run the White House, he has chosen a first term governor of a sparsely populated state (47th out of 50) to be his Vice President.
Gov. Sarah Palin is vehemently anti-choice, pro gun, pro oil drilling, pro Iraq War, and a former beauty queen. She believes creationism should be taught in schools. She stresses that she chose to have her fifth child, despite knowing he would be born with Downs Syndrome - the implication, of course, being that a liberal would have aborted that same child. Her only previous service in government was to serve on the City Council and as the Mayor of a town in Alaska that has a population of 9,000.
And even with all of that, McCain is hoping that something in that pathetically thin right wing resume will make other women rise up and vote for her. As if the election is a college dorm room, and all of us girls end up having our periods at the same time. As if any woman who voted for Hillary Clinton did so on the basis of her reproductive system and not her qualifications. As if women are so blind, so stupid, and so hysterical that the mere sight of a woman running as a VP would send us pouring into the streets to proclaim John McCain a hero to women's rights.
This is the most disgusting, pandering, pathetic, condiscending pick for a Vice President I can think of. And in an age where women still do not get equal work for equal pay, where the right to choice is threatened from all sides, where a woman who's been raped can still perceived to have been asking for it, where slut shaming is practically a national sport, where sexual education cannot be taught in every school, where Hillary Clinton can be called a bitch on national television by a journalist and no one seems to care - this is McCain's idea of progress.
I am happy to see that there is a woman on the ballot, and that the Republican Party has finally gone where the Democrats went over twenty years ago. But there is no way in hell that any self respecting woman who loves the Constitution and her country would ever vote for a ticket that has Sarah Palin. No way, no how, no McCain.
Below is a video that underscores how far we have to go - police at the DNC shoving a protester to the ground and telling her to "Back up, bitch." Code Pink, the group that is protesting in the video, is known for peaceful protest. Yet this officer summed up what a lot of people think about women in this country. And the response to the command "back up, bitch", whether literal or metaphorical, should only be what Obama has already said. Enough.
My Big Fat Greek ... Vice President?
When I woke up this morning I went to Yahoo news and saw, what I thought, was a picture of Nia Vardalos and wondered why she made the cover. Then I read the caption that said, "McCain Picks VP." I was confused cuz I didn't think Vardalos was a Republican let alone Governor of Alaska. I read on an realized that the VP candiate was some lady named Sarah Palin. But ya got admit: them chicks look a lot alike. OPA!
YES HE DID - Sen. Barak Obama Accepts The Nomination
It's like a dream that I'm certain I'm going to wake up from any minute. Somehow, an African-American man named Barak Obama is the Democratic nominee. On the 45th Anniversary of the "I Have A Dream" speech and the March on Washington, in front of an estimated 85,000 people, Obama threw down on McCain and Bush and the naysayers. It was a 45 minute thing of beauty. Gleek and I were freaks the last four nights, texting and being giddy and losing our minds at the spectacle. I've watched every convention since I was 10 years old (yeah, I'm a nerd, what of it?), and I've never seen anything like this week.
If I was a speech writer for McCain, I'd be drinking vodka for breakfast.
PS - Gov. Sarah Palin has been selected by McCain for his VP. It's my favorite exotic animal! A Pro-Life woman!
If Ya Liked Tropic Thunder ...
... then you will love Rain of Madness. It is short about the making of the movie being shot in Tropic Thunder. I haven't seen either, but the mockumentary is a parody of the Heart of Darkness (the insane documentary about Coppola and the making of Apocalypse Now).
Below is the link to the free download of the short film and the hysterical trailer for Rain of Madness.
Free iTunes Download
Great Daily Show Clip
The MSNBC clips are great but the bit from the 2 minute mark on is BRILLIANT!
Eight IS Enough
It's funny...because it's true. Also, Obama laughing at his "eight is enough" reference makes me so happy.
Give Me More, Monkey!Thursday, August 28, 2008
DNC Night Three: Democratic Wet Dream
I was an emotional mess last night, what with the Yankees getting destroyed and Project Runway being boring (and by the way, when you watch something at midnight on DVR after sobbing for hours over Biden's dead wife and Hillary Clinton's grace and Bill Clinton's ability to kick ass - YOU WANT IT TO BE GOOD. Project Runway was NOT GOOD last night! Boring! And boring means that Nina Garcia would vote her own show off, because we all know that BORING is worse than POORLY CONSTRUCTED!)
Hm. Sorry about that tangent.
See Bill. See Bill speak. Remember why you think the 22nd Ammendment sucks sometimes.
And yes, I still believe in a place called Hope. It might be cheese, but it's delicious.
The DNC & Me
Here are 10 thoughts I have had while watching the speeches and coverage of the DNC:
1.) Does anyone else think Michelle Obama acts a lot like the Regina King character in Jerry Maguire? During her speech on Monday, I half expected her to say to the audience, "We both majored in marketing. We came to play!"
2.) Howard Dean is now coloring his hair.
3.) Nancy Pelosi and Teresa Heinz Kerry are the same person and they both need to take their scary asses back to Middle Earth.
4.) I wanna marry into the Biden family. I'd rather be Mrs. Beau or Hunter Biden (Pictured Above) but would settle for being Mrs. Ashley Biden cuz she is HOT!
5.) Tom Brokaw's liver spots are really starting to freak me the fuck out.
6.) Both Hillary and Chelsea decompressed too quickly after a recent scuba trip or visit to the moon and now have the bug eyes.
7.) Although it has been said ten to fifteen times, in several different speeches, in several different contexts, I still giggle when they use the word, "doody."
8.) President Clinton ... that bitch be lookin' rough!
9.) Enough with the coordinated SIGNS and TALKING POINTS!!! The spontaneous outbursts by the crowd are about as natural as an oral bowel movment.
10.) Obama should've waited till tomorrow to take the stage. Ya know, Steven Spielberg, when discussing the editing of Jaws, said he messed up by going back and adding a "scare" earlier in the movie because the result was that when the shark popped out later in the film the effect and "scare" was not as powerful. I think Obama's speech and overall presentation tomorrow night will not be as impactful after his cameo tonight. To put it in relative terms, the shark might have jumped too early. I could be wrong, I often am.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Singin' Silas
Hottie Hunter Parish of Weeds makes his Broadway debut in Spring Awakening. Yes, ya get ta see his naked bootie on stage but also the kid has some pipes.
Click the link below to see and hear Hunter rehearse with the cast.
LINK
Monday, August 25, 2008
On TV Tonight: The Democratic Covention
It's convention time! I was trying to think of what clip to show from past conventions, and then my hatred of Republicans took over my fingers and I ended up with a fictional President who sums up a) why I hate Republicans and b) why I give money to the ACLU and c) why I love Aaron Sorkin's mile wile idealistic streak. Plus, you know, Michael Douglas was hot in this movie.
Watch the clip, then watch the convention. Michelle Obama and possibly Senator Kennedy tonight in prime time. My rec is always CSPAN for the best and most straightforward coverage... no pundits, just camera's pointed in the right direction.
PS - Vote, bitches.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Best Ron Howward Movie Since Parenthood
I am so excited for the Frost/Nixon movie. I missed the play when it was on Broadway and had to suffice with just reading it. When I heard that Howard was directing the movie, I admit, I pooped myself, nervous that Opie was gonna fuck up a great play. But the preview is out and it looks good.
FROST/NIXON TRAILER
Friday, August 22, 2008
Sarah Haskins Attacks Chick Flicks
Sarah Haskins is on Current, and she rules. If you haven't seen any of her videos, get on this right away, here. In the meanwhile, here is Sarah riping apart the sheer stupidity of the average romantic comedy. As we all know, they are often a) not funny, nor b) romantic, nor c)appealing to any woman I'd like.
If you go the her page on Current, you can view her other video's attacking ads for birth control, the wedding industry, and yogurt. Yes, yogurt. It's worth it, I promise.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
"You can tell her that you've been to a different rodeo. And don't you-know-what with me, Sister!" - Tim Gunn
Project Runway was fabulous in every sense of the word last night... the show that we love was finally in evidence as a crowd of drag queens and the one and only RuPaul reminded these sometimes lackluster designers that this show is supposed to be fun.
Recaps, thoughts, and more pictures after the jump!
Joe wins with his "Ann-Margaret on the Love Boat" pink sequined sailor outfit. I loved this. It's exactly what a drag queen dreams of - baubles safely out of the way, and zero risk anyone else in the world is wearing the same outfit. Brilliant. What isn't brilliant is Joe pointing out that he's straight every five seconds. We get it. You're straight, and yet you sew. Wow. Varla Jean Merman, Joe's Queen, also had my favorite runway walk, which culminated in a kicky salute. A-dorable.
After tragically accepting that drink from Suede, Daniel fell asleep at the (product placement) apartments. Upon waking, he could hear Tim calling "One hour to get your models to the (product placement) hair and makeup salon. Borrow liberally from the (product placement) accessory wall!" Having no other choice, he traded six of his skinniest skinny ties to a PA on the set in return for a quick run to Banana Republic, where he purchased this gown from the 2006 collection where everything was yellow.
That's the only reasonable explanation, right?
I hate Blayne. I hate the -licious bullshit (Note to Blayne: If Robin Antin has already used a phrase, it is over. Over.) I hate the tanning. I hate the hair - ugh. But what I love was Tim Gunn, chin in hand, staring at this outfit over the top of his eyeglasses before finally proclaiming it "A pterodactyl from a gay Jurassic Park." Ha!
So basically, I love Tim. And hate Blayne.
It's 1947, and Vincente Minnelli insists to Judy Garland that when the collar pops, the crowd will go wild. It's not the first time Vinnie's lied to Judy. But that doesn't make me want to give Jerell a pass for lying to us.
According to Tim's blog, RuPaul saved Keith by pointing out that she would wear this dress. But secretly, we all know what saved Keith was his Queen Sherry Vine telling Michael Kors to step into the Thunderdome.
Oh, look. Kenley made a Marilyn. Exactly what you'd expect from someone who thinks pin up girls are innovative. Kenley, put down the Viva Glam and stop boring me. Christ.
As far as I'm concerned, Korto is the only designer who really really got the point. Freedom on a sewing machine and a client who can't say no to anything, as long as it's themed. "Woman In Heat", indeed. You go, Korts. 
I'd comment on Leanne's dress (Judy Jetson, blah blah blah), but I'm too busy staring at Sharon Needles legs. Just - wow.
Oh, Stella. Somehow, you keep managing to either come up with something really cool, or skate by with something like this. Which I believe Kelly Osborne wore to prom.
This asshole is still talking about himself in third person. With a name he probably came up with while recovering from multiple beatings from the local bully. "When Suede grows up, Suede will show him. Yeah! Suede will totally show him!" And now he's on a huge hit show and sewing gloves with lettuce on them for a drag queen named Hedda Lettuce, and talking about himself in third person. And somewhere back in Boise or whatever, the bully takes another swig of his beer and thinks: "I didn't kick that kids ass enough." 
Acid Betty is not a standard drag queen, so I get that the crazy geisha thing was appropriate. However - if it weren't for Acid Betty's styling, makeup, bodypaint, and boots that I'm 100% certain were not on the (product placement) accessory wall, this would just be a blue and white bathrobe inspired by a Peppermint Patty with a giant box of black and red Twizzers cinched around the waist and topped off by super long banana Taffy.
Now, I'm hungry and annoyed that Terri was visibly upset after not winning this challenge. Shut up and get me a Snickers Bar, Terri, and then I'll give you the wrapper so you can make me a cocktail dress.
Best lines:
"Side, step. Side, step." Tim, to the Drag Queens trying to fit their outfits through the door.
"Did a dingo eat your baby, too? Cause you are full of excuses." RuPaul, using her Australian accent to strike Keith mute.
"Barf-licious." Leanne, regarding Blayne
"Keith made a Wookie-Onsie." Blayne and Jerell regarding the Thunderdome outfit.
"Yum, pretzels and beer." Heidi to a Viking Chris March
"It looks like a sad, gray chicken." Michael Kors to Keith
There were more, but I'm doing these from memory. Go to it in the comments.
Next week: Laura "Bad Mommy" Bennett!!!! Smooches
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
When It's Not A Happy Ending
She had been homeless, in foster homes, decided to live in one city with a track rather than with her family, got a scholarship to college to train. She didn't make it to Athens due to injury, and then fought to make it to Bejing. She was the clear favorite. This was supposed to be the greatest 100 meters in her life.
And then Lolo Jones clipped the 9th hurdle, lost the lead, and then lost the race.
Crossing the finish line in 7th place, she fell to the track and stayed there, disbelieving. It was utterly painful to watch. Somehow, she managed to hold it together enough to be interviewed on the track, where she was classy enough to say "It's the hurdles. You have to get all ten and if you can't, you're not meant to be the champion. Today I was not meant to be the champion. Today is hard. Tomorrow will be harder. I just have to get myself back up." I can't even begin to imagine how hard that interview was for her.
And then she walked into the tunnel, leaned against the wall, and broke down sobbing. The camera's caught it, of course, and NBC lingered over the money shot - the heartbreak of what happens when the slightest thing goes wrong in a 13 second race.
There have been so many incredible success stories in the Olympics, and it's hard to feel sorry sometimes for athletes that pout when they get a silver or a bronze instead of gold. But nothing made me cry these games more than the sight of Jones standing against that wall, wondering what went wrong.
The Olympics are only once every four years. If you have a bad day, that's years of work gone in a moment. That's what makes them special, wonderful, and sometimes heartbreaking.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
House Preview
Here are some lovely little tidbits for the new season of House, which seem to indicate they're not backing off from the events of last seasons House's Head / Wilson's Heart episodes. 13 is dealing with her diagnosis, Wilson is dealing with Amber's death, and House is dealing with both plus a new case or two. One video is here, the rest on the back page.
Enjoy! Also, note Hugh Laurie - I approve of the new haircut wholeloindedly.
Cloris Leachman Is My New God
Watch her at the Bob Saget Roast. She is amazing.
Part 1
Part 2
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Those Crazy Debaters
Mooning, criticism of head movement, and crying debaters. God, I really miss it some times.
SOURCE
Friday, August 15, 2008
Un. Fucking. Believable.
How the hell did he manage to do it? By 1/100th of a second, that's how. Michael Phelps, 7 for 7. One more to go. Maybe by Sunday's relay, my heart rate will have gone back to normal.
Phelps To Alievate Boredom By Swimming The Dogpaddle While Everyone Else Does the Butterfly
Race number seven is tonight. Will it be another win and another world record? Probs. Can you see the outline of his peen in this picture? Yes. Yes, you can.
Also, if anyone out there knows math, I have an academic question. Michael is 6'4" and has a wingspan of 6'8". Knowing these two numbers, and working off of the reasonable assumption that a male in the US of his age is most likely circumsized, can anyone take a mathematical guess at his... ??? Bonus if you calculate that using pi.
Hutt Likes It In The Butt
Ziro the Hutt, Jabba's uncle, is being called the first gay character in the Star Wars galaxy. Well, aside from the "love that dare not growl its name" that Chewbacca feels for Han Solo.
George Lucas asked his animators to think of, no shit, Truman Capote when constructing Ziro's character. Who wants to bet that Lucas didn't know who Truman Capote was till he saw Philip Seymour Hoffman in Capote?
SOURCE
It's kinda sad that even in a galaxy far far away the "gay uncle" stereotype holds fast.
From The Ministry of Information Control: China Ain't Got No Free Press
Seriously, China is supposed to be a competent fake-capitalist-still-totes-commie country. But between the lip syncing and fake fireworks and the dancer with the broken back and the zygote year old gymnasts, I’m starting to think that they are terrible at controlling the message. Can you really imagine the U.S.S.R. getting that much wrong? Nyet! Say what you want about the Evil Empire, but Soviet Russia would never have allowed a memo like the following to leak.
The Sydney Morning Herald reprinted the “21 Edicts From The Chinese Government’s Propoganda Unit” that all Chinese “journalists” have to follow. I've got the whole thing for you, but I think it can be summed up by numer 21G:
"Refrain from publishing opinion pieces at odds with the official propangada line of the Chinese delegation."
Shit like this is why we should never boycott the games. It's much more important to expose than to ignore. The full disturbing, horrific, and pathetic memo after the jump.
THE 21 EDICTS FROM THE CHINESE GOVERNMENT'S PROPAGANDA UNIT
1. The telecast of sports events will be live [but] in case of emergencies, no print is allowed to report on it.
2. From August 1, most of the previously accessible overseas websites will be unblocked. No coverage is allowed on this development. There's also no need to use stories published overseas on this matter and [website] operators should not provide any superlinks on their pages.
3. Be careful with religious and ethnic subjects.
4. Don't make fuss about foreign leaders at the opening ceremony, especially in relation to seat arrangements or their private lives.
5. We have to put special emphasis on ethnic equality. Any perceived racist terms as "black athlete" or "white athlete" is not allowed. During the official telecast, we can refer to Taiwan as "Chinese Taipei". In ordinary times, refer to Taiwanese athletes as "those from the precious island Taiwan....." In case of any pro Taiwan-independence related incident inside the venue, you shall follow restrictions listed in item 1.
6. For those ethnic Chinese coaches and athletes who come back to Beijing to compete on behalf of other countries, don't play up their "patriotism" since that could backfire with their adopted countries.
7. As for the Pro-Tibetan independence and East Turkistan movements, no coverage is allowed. There's also no need to make fuss about our anti-terrorism efforts.
8. All food saftey issues, such as cancer-causing mineral water, is off-limits.
9. In regard to the three protest parks, no interviews and coverage is allowed.
10. No fuss about the rehearsals on August 25. No negative comments about the opening ceremony.
11. No mention of the Lai Changxing case.
12. No mention of those who illegally enter China.
13. On international matters, follow the official line. For instance, follow the official propaganda line on the North Korean nuclear issue; be objective when it comes to the Middle East issue and play it down as much as possible; no fuss about the Darfur question; No fuss about UN reform; be careful with Cuba. If any emergency occurs, please report to the foreign ministry.
14. If anything related to territorial dispute happens, make no fuss about it. Play down the Myanmar issue; play down the Takeshima island dispute.
15. Regarding diplomatic ties between China and certain nations, don't do interviews on your own and don't use online stories. Instead, adopt Xinhua stories only. Particularly on the Doha round negotiation, US elections, China-Iran co-operation, China-Aussie co-operation, China-Zimbabwe co-operation, China-Paraguay co-operation.
16. Be very careful with TV ratings, only use domestic body's figures. Play it down when rating goes down.
17. In case of an emergency involving foreign tourists, please follow the official line. If there's no official line, stay away from it.
18. Re possible subway accidents in the capital, please follow the official line.
19.Be positive on security measures.
20. Be very careful with stock market coverage during the Games.
21.Properly handle coverage of the Chinese sports delegation:
A. don't criticise the selection process
B. don't overhype gold medals; don't issue predictions on gold medal numbers; don't make fuss about cash rewards for athletes.
C. don't make a fuss about isolated misconducts by athletes.
D. enforce the publicity of our anti-doping measures.
E. put emphasis on government efforts to secure the retirement life of atheletes.
F. keep a cool head on the Chinese performance. Be prepared for possible fluctations in the medal race.
G. refrain from publishing opinion pieces at odds with the official propangada line of the Chinese delegation.
A Non Olympic TV Post! Or, a Gift For Monkey See, Monkey Doo Doo
Here's your reality TV schedule! Mark your DVR's!
Gone Country [CMT, August 15, Fridays at 8]
Outsider’s Inn [CMT, August 15, Fridays at 9]
The Hills [MTV, August 18, Mondays at 10]
Making the Band 4 [MTV, Aug. 19, Tuesdays at 9]
Architecture School [Sundance Channel, Aug. 20, Wednesdays at 9]
The Cho Show [VH1, August 21]
Glam God With Vivica A. Fox [VH1, August 21, Thursdays at 10]
Tabatha’s Salon Takeover [Bravo, August 21, Thursdays at 11]
Grizzly Man Diaries [Discovery Channel, Aug. 22, Fridays at 9]
America’s Toughest Jobs [NBC, Aug. 24, Mondays at 9 (four episodes); Sept. 19, Fridays at 8]
My Super Sweet 16 Presents: Exiled [MTV, August 25, Mondays at 10:30]
America’s Next Top Model 11 [The CW, Sept. 3, Wednesdays at 8]
Top Design 2 [Bravo, Sept. 3, Wednesdays at 10]
Kitchen Nightmares [Fox, Sept. 4 at 8, Thursdays at 9]
Dogtown [National Geographic Channel, Sept. 5 at 9, Fridays at 10]
Hole in the Wall [Fox, Sept. 11, Thursdays at 8]
Solo: Lost at Sea [National Geographic Channel, Sept. 15, Mondays at 10]
The Biggest Loser 6: Families [NBC, Sept. 16, Tuesdays from 8 to 10]
Survivor Gabon [CBS, Sept. 18, Thursdays at 8]
In Harm’s Way [The CW, Sept. 21 at 7, Nov. 2 at 6:30]
Dancing with the Stars 7 [ABC, Sept. 22, Mondays at 8 and Tuesdays at 9]
Opportunity Knocks [ABC, Sept. 23, Tuesdays at 8]
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition [ABC, Sept. 28 at 7, Sundays at 8]
The Amazing Race 13 [CBS, Sept. 28, Sundays at 8]
World’s Toughest Fixes [National Geographic Channel, Sept. 28 at 9]
Wife Swap [ABC, Oct. 3, Fridays at 8]
Supernanny [ABC, Oct. 3, Fridays at 9]
Real Housewives of Atlanta [Bravo, Oct. 7, Tuesdays at 10]
Gimme My Reality Show! [Fox Reality, Oct. 11]
Stylista [The CW, Oct. 29, Wednesdays at 9]
Bob Costas Has Officially Run Out of Adjectives For Michael Phelps (And Other Olympic News)
Swedish wrestler Ara Abrahamian threw an Olympic sized hissy fit when he won the bronze in Greco Roman wrestling. Like a muscle bound Nomi Malone, he waited until the medal ceremony to rip off the offensively bronze colored medal and tossed it onto the mat before storming off. In his semi final, he actually tried to argue the match with the judges, having to be physically restrained by teammates. The Swedish coach told NBC “It’s all politics”. Not having access to Bob Costas, I told my dog “He’s a fucking baby that needs to be banned from any international competition.” I have a feeling Bob sides with me.
The AP is reporting what anyone with one or more eyes could see – Chinese gymnast He Kexin is 14 years old at the most. Let’s review the evidence: There were at least two reports in the last year issued by the Chinese Press, including a report in the China Daily, that put her age at 13 in 2007 and 14 in 2008. The China Daily is not a tabloid, it’s is the government run newspaper. The Chinese State Media Agency also had put her at 13 years old last year. Magically, once the AP found that report, it disappeared from the website. Apparently, the Chinese have never heard of a screen capture. Look, she’s 14. Everyone knows. And that’s cheating, period. The IOC needs to investigate and stop worrying about embarrassing China. The reason the rule is in place is to make sure that countries are not physically and psychologically destroying pre-pubescent girls. (We prefer that 16 year olds are driven to eating disorders and shredded bones. Go team!) It was one thing to grumble and ignore communist countries breaking the rules during the Cold War, when we couldn’t do anything about it without having to up the troop count at Checkpoint Charlie. It’s a whole different ball game when China is trying to keep the graces of the world on their side. IOC – get some damn answers.
Our softball team, lead by Jennie Finch, continues to kick ass. We played both Japan and Canada yesterday (The Canada game had been called due to rain and pushed to make up the double header). US – 7, Japan – 0. US – 8, Canada – 1. Suck it, Olympic committee that has decided to remove softball from the next games. Our baseball team, however, continues to suck. We lost to Cuba. Which is bullshit, because we should only lose to Cuba in the socialized medicine.
Roger Federer has officially lost his mojo. After losing Wimbledon is the Greatest Match Ever Played (TM John McEnroe), he lost to James Blake in a lackluster Quarter Final that seemed...sad. Even Roger’s hair was a little limper than before. Pull it together, Roger – the US Open is just two weeks away.
This win energized Blake. Unfortunately for him, he didn’t beat Federer as much as Federer gave up. So Blake went on to the semi against Chile’s Ferdinand Gonzales, and lost. 4-6, 7-5, 11-9. However, this gives Americans hope that at the US Open, Blake will be ready to play some great tennis.
Michael Phelps set another world record and won his sixth gold medal in the 200 meter Individual Medley. It wasn’t even close. I mean, not for a second. Let us pause now, and consider the other swimmers in the pool with Phelps. There’s the bronze medalist, American Ryan Lochte. There’s the silver medalist Laszlo Cseh, of Hungary. Go ahead, and reflect for a moment and consider how badly they must want to beat the shit out of Michael Phelps on a daily basis. Poor Lochte trains with Phelps, and newspapers have actually referred to him at the "Phil Mickelson of swimming" (referencing the golfer who often takes second to Tiger). I’m just waiting for an Australian to be caught trying to inject steroids into Phelps water bottle, all while whispering “Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy.”
And finally, let us all squuuuueeeee in delight that Nastia Luikin and Shawn Johnson proved that 16 and 18 is not too old to go gold and silver in the Women’s All Around Gymnastic Finals. These women rule. They were tough, they had crazy high difficulty, they stuck landings, and they even made it interesting by having it come down to the floor exercise. They were incredibly supportive of each other throughout, and while Nastia came out on top for the first time against Shawn, they were both grinning like crazy. Johnson had a moment on the medal stand where you could see she was clearly disappointed, but bounced back quickly, saying “Going into this, we knew there could only be one champion. We’re both lucky to say we won medals for our country.” The ladies are roommates at the games, and face one more time: event finals for the beam and floor exercise. Nastia also takes on the uneven bars.
There are dozens of other things happening that I can’t even begin to cover here… comment away with everything I couldn’t cover!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Fem Davids
41 years old; Mother; Olympian. All that, and David's, too. Go on with your bad self, Dara Torres.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Child. Julia Child
Declassified documents released today show that Julia Child was a spy during WW II
SOURCE
It gives new meaning to when she asked for her Chicken to be, "ShakeNBaked" Not "Stir Fried."
Worst Olympic Injury Ever.
Seriously. I'd rather get shot than go through this. It's so bad, I'm not going to actually post the pictures, I'm just going to link to them.
Cringeworthy Pics Here
Needless to say, weightlifting can go very, very wrong.
Greatest Olympian Ever (And Other Olympic News)
The whole thing is nuts - five races, five golds, five world records. Eleven career golds. The television cameras that can't get the rest of the field in the shot, because he's so far ahead. But I think what really describes the sheer ridiculous-shake-your-head-is-he-part-fish response any normal person has about Michael Phelps came last night. That's when Michael beat his own world record in the 200 meter butterfly and yet was visibly upset, throwing his goggles down by the pool. It turns out that his goggles were taking in water the entire race, so he just shut his eyes for the last 100 meters. So not only did he win gold, not only did he get another world record (his 24th), but he did it with his eyes closed. Greatest. Olympian. Ever.
***I now interrupt this post to inform you that it's not really Mon Chi Chi writing this entry. Mon Chi Chi was deemed by Chinese officials not attractive enough for international audiences, so instead the writing of Mon Chi Chi is being finger synced by a cuter monkey. We now go back to our normal posting.
Great article on badminton in the New York Times. They highlight Lin Dan, the Chinese rock star of the incredibly popular sport. He's the full diva deal - fits backstage, hot girlfriend, fistfights with his coach, teenage girls who scream and pass out around him... and of course, expected to take gold.
Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal both got another round closer to facing each other in the tennis gold medal match on Sunday. Quarter finals look good for both - Federer plays James Blake and Nadal will most likely destroy Novak Djokovic.
***I now interrupt this blog posting again to inform you that Mon Chi Chi is in fact, not 12 years old, as rumored by rival bloggers. I have the credentials to prove it, and they are almost authentic looking. Also, I was accused of actually missing a baby tooth by a rival, and that is not true - fellow monkey Gleek hit me. True story.
On another note, I'd like to applaud NBC for doing one thing right - they've highlighted sports where - gasp! - Americans do not medal. Usually events not favored for us are shunted off to cable. With all of their sometimes incredibly nationalistic coverage, I was very relieved that they are scheduled to show all of the diving events on NBC in primetime, regardless of the fact that we are not favored in any of them. This almost makes up for the jackass that is Al Trautwig, who's gymnastics commentary is at best idiotic and at worst really, really idiotic.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Classic Clips: American Anthem starring Mitch Gaylord
So in 1984, the world went a little bonkers for our very studly men's gymnastic team. Highest on the list was the hot, perfect ten achieving Mitch Gaylord (Currently a judge on Ccelebrity Circus of the Stars, I'm sad to report). He cashed in on his gold medal in 1986 and made a delightfully disastrous movie called American Anthem. Here is the final scene, in with both he and co-star Janet Jones (A League of Their Own) fight to make the US National Team despite being a rebel and a washout, respectively.
So, in honor of our Bronze medal last night, and the amazing fight in our Men's Gymnastic Team (Raj, call me!) , the conclusion of American Anthem.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Suck It France! (And Other Olympic News)
I wish I was a better person about this - and I might have been, if not for French Jackass Alain Bernard, who broke the cardinal rule of jinxing. When asked about the battle in the Men's Swimming 400 Freestyle Relay, he had the escargots to say "We will smash the Americans, that is what we came for." Oh, really? With Michael Phelps leading off the relay with an American record leg of 47.51, and Garrett Weber-Gale and Cullen Jones keeping us in the race, the stage was set for Jason Lezak. Going into the last 50 meters, he was about a half of a body length behind, yet he somehow willed himself to catch up with Bernard in the last 25 meters - and then somehow (I still don't know how) touched the wall .08 seconds ahead of the big-mouthed-soon-to-be-crying Bernard. In order to do so, he swam the fastest relay leg in history at 46.06. A hundred meters is 328.08 feet. That's swimming the length of a football field. In 46 seconds.
In other Olympic news:
Rafael Nadal hates the humidity, but still won two out of three sets to easily advance in his search of the "fifth slam" of 2008. Either way, the Spaniard will be the number one ranked player in the world officially on August 18th. Roger Federer will battle it out with Nadal once again at the US Open next month where, presumably, the weather will be more to Rafael's liking.
Seven world records have been smashed in the Swimming Cube. Among them, Kristy Coventry of Zimbabwe kicked ass in the 100 Free and Japan's Kosuke Kitajima used American Brendan Hanson former world record to towel off with in the 100 Breakstroke.
India won it's first individual gold medal EVER - Abhinav Bindra won the 10 meter air rifle shooting competition. Go India!!!
Gymnastics is a scary, injury filled place for the American's right now. Our women qualified in second place behind China due to last minute injury (including Samantha Peszek hurting her ankle in warm ups!). The good news: Shawn Johnson and Nastia Liukin are one and two going into the individual all around. It's going to be a battle royale for the team competition!!!
There's a German female gymnast that's rather interesting, for three reasons: 1 - She's Russian. 2 - She's 33 years old. 3 - She became German in order to secure medical care for her son, who had leukemia. Oxana Chusovitina is the war horse of the Olympics... she won the vault at the European Championships and will challenge for that medal next week. How badass is that? Also, her son is in remission and can do a backflip. NBC was delighted in producing a mini lifetime movie about her during prime time last night, but it's still an amazing story.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Hmmm ...
Does anyone else find this clip ironically funny after Mr. Freeman's recent history or is it just me that has a fucked up sense of humor.
The Olympics: A Second Opinion
I could give 2 shits about the Olympics.
This is not for political reasons. I mean, yeah, I hate oppression and all. I agree, China sucks, blah ditty blah doo blittity. But let's face it, everyone who is suffering through that Beijing smog is really getting what they deserve no matter what your personal feelings on the Dali Lama or Richard Gere are.
No, it ain't a new hatred. I have never cared about the Olympics. Maybe it is because I am a fat, non-athlete, but they bore the hell out of me. Call me un-patriotic, but I would rather we were not inundated with coverage 24/7. I feel like it is just gonna be another way to divert attention from the things the news should be covering: Iraq, Afghan (the country not the rugs) the election, offshore drilling, Cindy McCain's tits, etc. etc. etc.
I mean, yeah, I like all the images of the almost-completely-nude athletes but aside from a few hot bodied yet awkward-in-the-face looking divers the Olympics are capital "BORE" little "ING"!!
That all being said, I sat down last night to watch REAL COMPETITION: Sheer Genius and Project Runway. I said to my mom after about 80 Olympics commercials, "Mom, let's watch some bad reality TV to escape the GD Olympics." And wouldn't ya know, the outfit theme on Runway was the Olympics. I about shoved a javelin in my eye.
So, over the next few weeks as you read the hundred or so posts on this blog about the Olympics know that one of us is, politely, ignoring every post and silently praying that September comes quickly so real TV will be back on.
Friday, August 8, 2008
OLYMPICS! THE GLORIOUS DAY HAS FINALLY ARRIVED!!
Ohmygod ohmygod it's just hours away. Here's a rough guide as to where events will be:
NBC: In primetime, the biggies: gymnastics (this is a blood bath this year), swimming (Torres for the win!) diving (China may sweep every single diving event), track and field (Tyson Gay!!) and beach volleyball (My husband is thrilled to watch Misty May-Treanor go for another gold).
USA: Team USA events on the USA Network. Very clever, NBC. Basketball, soccer and water polo. They'll also have extra tennis, rowing and canoeing.
CNBC: From 5 to 8 p.m. each day, boxing. From midnight to 4:30 a.m., softball, tennis, weightlifting, wrestling and badminton.
MSNBC: Basketball, water polo, baseball, badminton and table tennis.
Oxygen: Oh, look. Special sports coverage for the wommens folks. That's not stupid or condescending at all! A nightly gymnastics review, synchronized swimming and equestrian. Thank God they're doing this: I was just so intimidated by the thought watching CNBC, I nearly swooned into my petticoats!
All in all - 3600 hours of coverage (Including online at nbcolympics.com). Yeah, that's a crapload of Olympics. Watch in online, watch as much as you can live, watch it on DVR or at parties or at bars... JUST WATCH. Cause it's the Olympics. And cynicism about cheating and human right violations aside, it is still the most astounding spectacle in sport.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
From The Files Of: "I Could Do That"
So ever have a moment when you're watching the Olympics from your couch, eating some hoagies and drinking some beer and contemplating whether or not you still have ice cream in your freezer (but you're too lazy to get up and check)... and you're thinking "How hard is it, really? Swimming? I can swim. I can run."
These two brave, average guys got up from their couch and attempted the 100 meter freestyle, the 100 meter dash, the 110 meter hurdles, the long jump, and the rings. Results follow. They are exactly what you think.
Tomorrow night - Olympics!!! So I'm stocking up on ice cream. Bob Costas and I have a date, and it's a well known fact the he puts out.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Jill Dineen Band
My friend Jill fronts a blues band, and they played one of their first gigs at the Double Door in Charlotte, NC over the weekend. Bluesie-kinda-guys like Eric Clapton and Stevie Ray Vaughan have played there, so I hope they're on their way to being a big deal.
Jill knows how much I love music, so she took me up to the green room after their show. I snapped this shot on my cell phone for the rest of you to enjoy. My first thought when I saw this room was also my first thought when I stepped inside the bathroom at Studio 54...there's been a lotta drugs done in this room!
Give Me More, Monkey!Fishburne May Be Peterson Replacement
CSI is in talks with Laurence Fishburne to take over William Peterson's spot in the lab. He'd play a CSI who has the DNA of a violent criminal, and has resisted his naughty genetic urges all his life.
Let's talk turkey for a moment, shall we? My reactions are as follows:
1. HOT
2. Catherine Willows will be all over that.
3. It'd be more fun if Hodges wanted to be all over that.
4. Could he wear that leather coat? With a little CSI logo stitched on it? How cute would that be! It would be like Grissoms straw hat, only fucking hot.
5. How did those sunglasses work, anyway? I always wondered that.
6. If Laurence Fishburne takes a TV role, how long until we get other movie stars in long running prime time shows? And what would they do? Please offer your suggestions in the comments...I'll start you off. Robert De Niro taking over as the new District Attorney on Law & Order. We come to find out he's mob related and has stuffed Jack McCoy down a garbage shute, which doesn't kill him because, ironically enough, it's been previously jammed full of Liberty Mutual direct mail.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
A Record Is (Hilariously) Broken!
Make sure to stick through to the end. Only a few days left until we get to see some more records smashed!!!
A Little Sorkin Reunion on L & O: SVU
Josh Charles and Teri Polo, who played on again / off again couple Dan and Rebecca on the late great Sports Night, will be guest starring together on Law & Order: SVU.
Josh Charles is my secret monkey spouse and I'm so happy he's back on TV I could do a little dance. Actually, I am in fact doing a little dance right now. The last network TV gig he had was Six Degrees, and that show sucked. He's great in In Treatment on HBO, but the role was limited. Why will someone not give this man a lead gig?!
The plot is standard SVU fare - Charles and Polo play a married couple who's son is accused of a sex crime. I'm certain that at some point, Eliot will in fact attempt to hit someone. The episode airs September 30th, and this gets a big old Law & Order "chong chong" from me.
Here's a reminder of the lovely chemistry between these two actors, courtesy of Sorkin dialogue...
Dan: First of all what makes you so sure that I like you right now?
Rebecca: Well you follow me everywhere I go and you ask me out all the time.
Dan: You're reading way too much into that.
Rebecca: There's nothing about you I don't hate.
Dan: And yet you're mysteriously drawn to me.
Rebecca(smiling, then looking down): Yessss.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
I've Got A Huge Bludger
As we all know Daniel "Harry Potter" Radcliffe is cuming to Broadway soon in Equus and he will bare ALL in the show. No news there. But it seems that there will be ON STAGE SEATING. So you can get pretty darn close to Harry's quaffle and his leading lady's snitch.
PS How're we liking these Quidditch puns?
SOURCE
Anne Hathaway Exposes Herself
No not like that. Well, yeah, I guess like that but also check out the trailer for her new movie Rachel Getting Married where she EMOTIONALLY exposes herself. It is directed by Academy Award winning director Jonathan Demme and it looks great.
TRAILER
PS I know I put up a lot of pictures of naked and half naked men so this picture is for the boy breeders out there in monkey land. If you wanna see every nude shot Anne Hathaway has ever done click on the link below. You're welcome, Tim.
BOOBIES
Tracy Turn-crazy-and-clock-a-ho
So the little chubby girl who played Tracy Turnblad in the Hairspray movie musical got arrested for assault.
SOURCE
She (Nikki Blonsky) kicked the shit out of an ex-America's Next Top Model cast member.
See which Model-Wannabe after the JUMP.
Good job, Tracy Turnblad. I hated that skank anyways.
Friday, August 1, 2008
What????
Word on the street is that Justin Timberlake is being strongly considered as the next host of the Oscars. Apparently, he did such a fab job hosting the ESPYs, that Oscar producers are hoping he'll revive the 2009 show. Not quite sure how I feel about that...I'm sure it will be entertaining...
Give Me More, Monkey!
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