Bob Costas Has Officially Run Out of Adjectives For Michael Phelps (And Other Olympic News)

Swedish wrestler Ara Abrahamian threw an Olympic sized hissy fit when he won the bronze in Greco Roman wrestling. Like a muscle bound Nomi Malone, he waited until the medal ceremony to rip off the offensively bronze colored medal and tossed it onto the mat before storming off. In his semi final, he actually tried to argue the match with the judges, having to be physically restrained by teammates. The Swedish coach told NBC “It’s all politics”. Not having access to Bob Costas, I told my dog “He’s a fucking baby that needs to be banned from any international competition.” I have a feeling Bob sides with me.

The AP is reporting what anyone with one or more eyes could see – Chinese gymnast He Kexin is 14 years old at the most. Let’s review the evidence: There were at least two reports in the last year issued by the Chinese Press, including a report in the China Daily, that put her age at 13 in 2007 and 14 in 2008. The China Daily is not a tabloid, it’s is the government run newspaper. The Chinese State Media Agency also had put her at 13 years old last year. Magically, once the AP found that report, it disappeared from the website. Apparently, the Chinese have never heard of a screen capture. Look, she’s 14. Everyone knows. And that’s cheating, period. The IOC needs to investigate and stop worrying about embarrassing China. The reason the rule is in place is to make sure that countries are not physically and psychologically destroying pre-pubescent girls. (We prefer that 16 year olds are driven to eating disorders and shredded bones. Go team!) It was one thing to grumble and ignore communist countries breaking the rules during the Cold War, when we couldn’t do anything about it without having to up the troop count at Checkpoint Charlie. It’s a whole different ball game when China is trying to keep the graces of the world on their side. IOC – get some damn answers.

Our softball team, lead by Jennie Finch, continues to kick ass. We played both Japan and Canada yesterday (The Canada game had been called due to rain and pushed to make up the double header). US – 7, Japan – 0. US – 8, Canada – 1. Suck it, Olympic committee that has decided to remove softball from the next games. Our baseball team, however, continues to suck. We lost to Cuba. Which is bullshit, because we should only lose to Cuba in the socialized medicine.

Roger Federer has officially lost his mojo. After losing Wimbledon is the Greatest Match Ever Played (TM John McEnroe), he lost to James Blake in a lackluster Quarter Final that seemed...sad. Even Roger’s hair was a little limper than before. Pull it together, Roger – the US Open is just two weeks away.

This win energized Blake. Unfortunately for him, he didn’t beat Federer as much as Federer gave up. So Blake went on to the semi against Chile’s Ferdinand Gonzales, and lost. 4-6, 7-5, 11-9. However, this gives Americans hope that at the US Open, Blake will be ready to play some great tennis.

Michael Phelps set another world record and won his sixth gold medal in the 200 meter Individual Medley. It wasn’t even close. I mean, not for a second. Let us pause now, and consider the other swimmers in the pool with Phelps. There’s the bronze medalist, American Ryan Lochte. There’s the silver medalist Laszlo Cseh, of Hungary. Go ahead, and reflect for a moment and consider how badly they must want to beat the shit out of Michael Phelps on a daily basis. Poor Lochte trains with Phelps, and newspapers have actually referred to him at the "Phil Mickelson of swimming" (referencing the golfer who often takes second to Tiger). I’m just waiting for an Australian to be caught trying to inject steroids into Phelps water bottle, all while whispering “Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy.”

And finally, let us all squuuuueeeee in delight that Nastia Luikin and Shawn Johnson proved that 16 and 18 is not too old to go gold and silver in the Women’s All Around Gymnastic Finals. These women rule. They were tough, they had crazy high difficulty, they stuck landings, and they even made it interesting by having it come down to the floor exercise. They were incredibly supportive of each other throughout, and while Nastia came out on top for the first time against Shawn, they were both grinning like crazy. Johnson had a moment on the medal stand where you could see she was clearly disappointed, but bounced back quickly, saying “Going into this, we knew there could only be one champion. We’re both lucky to say we won medals for our country.” The ladies are roommates at the games, and face one more time: event finals for the beam and floor exercise. Nastia also takes on the uneven bars.

There are dozens of other things happening that I can’t even begin to cover here… comment away with everything I couldn’t cover!