Saturday, May 31, 2008
Sex and The City: Purely Editorial
I've been reading tons about the Sex and The City Movie for months - it's impossible to avoid. And there was the inevitable excitement, and the even more inevitable backlash, and then the parsing of every word and interview by cast and character alike, and now - the bitching. I've read things that have said the movie is racist. And antifeminist. Of course, none of that stopped me from seeing it last night. And that being said, I've got something to say as a Puerto Rican feminist.
Ask the monkey for more, and beware, there will be spoilers.
The movie was great. And it was great for the reasons the show was great - it only takes itself seriously about two things: fashion, and the relationships of these women. That's it. It's not trying to be any more or any less than a story about characters. It's not a 'film', it's a movie. And it succeeds on that standard beautifully. Go with your friends, eat popcorn, and laugh at the cheese and cry at the cheese and call it a night.
The calls of racism have mostly to do with a couple things: Charlotte refusing to drink the water in Mexico, Miranda judging a neighborhood by following a white man with a baby, and Jennifer Hudson's character of Louise being the 'magical negro' stereotype. Okay, deep breath. I'm not offended by any of this. And I'm touchy in real life, you can ask people.
This is why: It's perfectly in line with Charlotte's upper east side existence to be psycho about something like the water in Mexico. That's what the character is - needing to be in control. Notice her three friends just roll their eyes and ignore. Because the movie isn't advocating anything societal. There's no need for Carrie to sit down Charlotte and say "Honey, that's borderline racist." We're not stupid, we know it's ridic.
Same with Miranda. Has anything in her character ever suggested she'd feel comfortable living in an area where she couldn't read the signs on the stores? No. This is Miranda - the only place she's ever felt comfortable is her home, she wants her perfect area. Would I personally like that quality in one of my best friends? No, but it's certainly in MANY of my best friends. I'm a brown girl with a lot of white friends who would totally follow the white guy with the baby, and pray he was gay while they were doing it.
The character of Louise isn't offensive because she was the magical black friend - it was annoying because it wasn't necessary. Carrie really didn't need an assistant, but I'm happy that when they gave her one, it was at least a GOOD assistant (if not a good actress). The only purpose the character served was to reflect Carrie when she started out in her twenties, and if the writers chose to have a black woman be the "Carrie" of the new era, than I'm happy they did.
On to the women's issues. Having read multiple articles and blog postings about the objections to this movie, I still don't get it. Carrie is superficial. The women talk about their men constantly. They like shoes. Uh, yeah? So what? It's a mainstream movie about four women in their forties who with all their faults manage to stay true to each other. Please explain what other movie is going to do that. Please tell me ANY other film that is going to get a massive campaign and opening that revolves around grown up women.
Here's a tidbit: People are superficial. People talk about their love lives constantly. People love shoes. I can't personally afford to spend five hundred dollars on heels, but that's because I'm real and they're fictional. But I do have friends I would walk through fire for, that I would run to in their time of need, that would take care of me after heartbreak.
And that's why the movie was great. The movie was first and foremost, always about these four women who loved each other. And that's the reflection that women want to see of themselves on the screen - that as wonderful as romantic love is, you have the choice as you age to keep your best friends in your lives.
Big said to the girls "A guys just lucky to come in fourth". That's what Sex and The City is about.
The outfits are just window dressing.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
This is Going to Be Awesome: The Search For Elle Woods
Legally Blonde was not supposed to be a good musical. It was supposed to suck, like Imagine or Little Mermaid. But it is a really good show, and mostly due to Laura Bell Bundy, who's played Elle Woods eight times a week. Now that Laura is leaving the show, a new Elle Woods must be found. Cue Reality TV! More info by hitting the monkey link.
10 finalists move into a loft to see what happens when people stop being... wrong show. 10 finalists move into a pink loft and try not kill each other as they are whittled down in weekly judging. Judges are:
Paul Canaan - Accomplished Broadway actor, plays the Reliable Gay in LBTM (Legally Blonde the Musical)
Heather Hach - Book writer of LBTM
Jerry Mitchell - Director and Cheographer of LBTM
Bernard Telsey - Casting Director of LBTM
Haylie Duff - Mentor, Host, and dear God, Executive Producer
Haylie Duff? Really? Why? I know she played Amber in Hairspray on Broadway, but whatevs. Lots and lots of untalented second rate stars do Broadway. Chicago just rotates washed up messes through their casts weekly. (currently starring John Schneider, whom I adore on Nip/Tuck, but not as Billy Flynn)
Ah well. Point is, the trailer promises lots of drama and singing and recitation of the phrase "Ohmygod youguys". I'm in - this is Summer Deliciousness.
Legally Blonde: The Search For Elle Woods
MTV
Premiers June 2nd at 10pm
Trailer Here: http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1586827&vid=230660
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Rachael Ray is a Terrorist
I never trusted that bitch.
NO ONE can make meals like that in 30 short minutes without help from an outside organization like Al Qaeda.
Read the article that explains and whatever you do ... stay away from her Atomic Hot Wings!!!
SOURCE
TiVo, Now With Judgement (But in a good way)
If you live in Chicago, you're about to get a very cool additional TiVo service. Maureen Ryan, who is the TV Critic for the Chicago Tribune, has signed up with the company to have her picks automatically record on subscribers TiVo's. More info, and implications, on the other side of the link.
This is what's great - Ms. Ryan is good at what she does, consistently recommending shows that are smart, well done, and should appeal to the TiVo demographic (which the company admits is above middle class, and predominantly white). And I have a feeling that this is going to set the stage for this type of service to emerge in other cities.
This is what's bad - she already has a column in the Trib and a blog (The Watcher, in our 'blogs we like' link on the homepage). How lazy do you have to be to need your TiVo to record her recs? And I'm not hopefull that this will lead people to read her work, which people should - she's a smart writer. But it seems to me that this takes a professional writer and turns her into an automated vending machine.
Lies and the Big Fat Lying Liars Who Tell Them...But Now Admit It
Former White House Press Secretary Scott McLellan wrote a book...and apparently, it's going to be awesome. Basically, it flatout says that everyone in the Administration has their pants on fire. But not just a brush fire...it's one of those crazy California wildfires that changes the migratory patterns of birds. BIG, BIG liar liars. This would be more awesome if said lies hadn't, you know, led to us going to war...
Even under the best of circumstances being a Press Secretary is a tedious job. There are bad Press Secretaries (what's her face who doesn't know what the Cuban Missile Crisis was) and there are good Press Secretaries...Oh man. The last good one? C.J. Cregg. I realize she's fictional, but I'm forced to believe that she spoke more truth than the last 86 of #43's Press people. Seriously, Murphy Brown had better luck keeping assistants than Bush does with keeping a Press Secretary. Point of the story, it's awesome that McLellan owned up to it...probably would have been a little more useful to do it, oh, FIVE YEARS AGO, but whatevs.
Give Me More, Monkey!
The Evolutionary Chain: Changes at Step One
On this, our 51st post, I welcome you to the new look of Step One. A great friend to the site (we'll call him CarsonMonkey) was kind enough to whip up the new banner, and as we get more comfortable we'll continue to make the site prettier. If you notice, jump tags were eliminated for previous posts because the new look, but all the posts survived intact.
If you have any complaints and/or suggestions, leave a comment on this post. We'll actually read them.
Thanks!
Mon Chi Chi
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Troma Does it Again
Watch the awesome, NSFW trailer by clicking "Give Me More Monkey."
Sexism Sells, Even In the News.
The truth is that sexism is rampant in politics and media... and this Presidential campaign makes me think that qualified, strong women aren't going to be lining up to get abused.
The Women's Media Center has started a campaign called Sexism Might Sell, But I'm Not Buying It!. Details at their website, watch the video then go to womensmediacenter.com.
What To Watch: May 27th
Your favorite shows are pretty much done for the year, but there is still plenty of programming on tonight to get you through your Tuesday evening. My picks when you demand more from the monkey.
If you're a New York sport person, the Yanks take on the Orioles on the YES Network at 7:05. For the rest of the country, the NBA Playoffs on TNT at 9pm to see the Lakers/Kobe take on the San Antonio Spurs.
If you're a reality show kind of monkey, you've got some choices, but I'd say Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations on the Travel Channel at 8pm is your highest class option - at least as high class as you can get watching Chef Tony curse while eating Vietnamese haggis. At 9pm, you can continue with the foodie theme by watching Hell's Kitchen on Fox, or you can switch gears completely and see what Bravo found lying around an editing bay to create The Real Housewives of New York City: The Lost Footage.
If you're a terrible human being, and are also into snuff films, then Fox has the show for you: Moment of Truth returns at 8pm.
If you're an awesome person, Rocky II is on WGN at 8pm. Eye of the Tiger, bitches.
If you like your commentary with a dash of snark and a side of smart, you can always fall back on the best one two punch there is: The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, back to back on Comedy Central starting at 8pm for the reruns, 11pm for the all new shows.
And if none of that interests you, may I recommend going to hulu.com and watching a show you've always meant to see, but never got around to. I've recently begun watching Bones from the beginning, and I have to say it's great. I'll be reviewing soon, in fact.
Go forth, my little TV Monkeys.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Sports! Lots and lots of Sports!
Jose Canseco wants to box? Big Brown had a bad pedicure? Penguins on ice? The clay courts in France still have Americans serving? Umps with thumbs in their butts? The Red Sox admitted to illegal taping as well!!! Well the last one is fable...just wanted to remind you of a little cheating 18-1 football team that started a new year of failing miserably... all that and more after the jump.
Western Conference Finals...Kobe proved he's only human and scored 30 points...but the rest of team didn't follow suit. The Pistons evened up the Eastern Conference matchup with The Celtics at two games a piece. Kevin Garnett scored less than 1/2 a point per minute played...so not Kobean...Go Lakers!!! Go Pistons!!! Well I really wanna see Lakers and Celtics Final...but wanna see them go 7 before they see The Lakers...and then lose like Boston is destined to do in '08!!!
On the Ice: The Red Wings took a decisive lead in The Stanley Cup finals going up two games to none against The Penguins...guess it's tough to swing a hockey stick with little penguin wings...well unless they're red...red penguins...never heard of that nonsense before.
On the Baseball Diamond: Umps continued to blow Home Run call after Home Run Call from the Bronx to Pittsburgh and beyond…will we see instant replay at the ballpark starting in ’09…we will see…yeah we’ll see even longer games and umps trying to fit their heads in the camera hood with their masks still on. NO INSTANT REPLAY PLEASE…Umps just need to get their thumbs outta their butts.
The French Open started this week…but you won’t hear a word about it until it get’s close to the finals…because a. I don’t’ give a rats ass about tennis and b. tennis has been dead to me since Agassi hung ‘em up.
On the PGA the “Tiger’s not on the links” trophy grab continued with Phil Michelson winning the Colonial by one stroke. Win ‘em while you can boys…win ‘em while you can.
Oh…and Jose Canseco is offering $5500 for someone to step into the boxing ring with him in Atlantic City…boxing Jose??? Well I bet Roger Clemens would come outta retirement to take a few swings at you. Or perhaps Jose should quit being a pussy and get into the ring for some mixed martial arts...arm bar bitch!!!
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Politicians Say the Darnedest Things
Heh. Okay. So in trying to make the point that the Primaries used to last a long time Senator Clinton said this: "We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California."
Which basically got translated into: "Obama, are you sure you really want to be President? Really? Positive? Because you'll die. Dead. Like really, really dead. If you make me VP, then I'll just end up being President when you're dead anyway. So really, this is just a matter of time. PS - You have two young daughters it would be really, really sad for them to not have a Dad. I'm just saying."
Give Me More, Monkey!
Tonight: Recount on HBO
Oh, the 2000 election. Now a historical event, at the time it just seemed like a clusterfuck of epic proportion... which is exactly what it was. The ridiculous (Gore being frantically chased to stop him from making a concession speech), the sublime (Katherine Harris and the make up that fascinated a nation), and the absurd (the Brooks Brothers Riot of young Republicans storming a Florida recounting center). Relive the madness tonight on HBO - details when you hit the link.
Written by Danny Strong (he played Andrew, the geek with aspirations on Buffy), the movie covers the 36 days from election night until the Supreme Court named George Bush the victor. The New York times points out that this is not satire, as they say "It's a serious look at the moment when character, political influence and luck fatefully collided." It's getting good reviews as a valid look at all sides of this mess. Danny Strong is also interviewed right now on Television Without Pity, and it's a great read. He's currently working on another script about Brown vs. the Board of Education, so that's another to look for.
Here's the cast:
Kevin Spacey as Ron Klain
Bob Balaban as Bush-Cheney lawyer Ben Ginsberg
Ed Begley, Jr. as David Boies
John Hurt as Warren Christopher
Denis Leary as Michael Whouley
Tom Wilkinson as James Baker III
Laura Dern as Katherine Harris
If you don't know who those real life counterparts are, then I hereby give you the homework of watching this movie. As someone who actually cried because of Tim Russert's white board of electoral death, I'm excited about this piece of history being put back front and center before we head into this November.
Recount
HBO
Tonight, 9PM
Saturday, May 24, 2008
I Don't Think So, Dumbledore
Is it just me ... or does that tagline sound a little gay?
Friday, May 23, 2008
"Cozy Counters" and "R2-D2 Me Too"
I watched this show last night on TCM called Spielberg on Spielberg where the director discussed his filmography. It was interesting. He made a half-hearted apology for all the bad things he has said about Jaws over the years (well, I still don't forgive him) but he also revealed a few interesting details.
One detail is that after George Lucas had finished shooting Star Wars he came to the set of Close Encounters of the Third Kind (or Cozy Counters as I called it when I was a kid; I also begged to go see Star Wars by screaming to my mom, "R2-D2, me too!"). Lucas told Spielberg that Close Encounters would be a bigger hit then Star Wars so Lucas asked Spielberg to swap 2.5 points on Close for 2.5 points on Wars. He agreed and as Spielberg stated in the documentary, he is still making money off that swap.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
An American Idol Is Crowned
The bad news is that I don't get paid for this. The good news is that I can fast forward through the product placement (eat it, paid recappers for TWoP!). So many outfits, so little tolerance! Hit the link!
From the top:
Archie and Cookie stare at each other while wearing white. It's disturbing. Who will be the next American Idol? Make a snack - you've got 2 hours to get an answer.
So they've got Mikalah Gordon in Kansas City for Cookie, and Matt Rogers in Salt Lake for Archie. What can I say about them... well, Mikalah is wrapped in what seems to be Whitney Houston's favorite gold lame scarf, and Matt Rogers is still under the impression that we want him on our televisions. He also calls Archie the most famous high school student in the world, to which I have only one response: Miley Cyrus. Matt Rogers is stupid.
So the top 12 come out to painfully do a group number, but I'm too busy watching the So You Think You Can Dance kids to care. But if you care, allow me to do the math for you:
All White Outfits + Crazy Camera Work + Lyrics that say Fe Fi Fo Fum / Chikeze looking like Dream Angel from Grease = Cruise Ship Nightmare.
The Davids sing Hero and it's lovely because it seems like they actually like each other.
Product Placement bullshit for Mike Myers. Fast Forward! No, keep your finger on the button - they take FIVE MINUTES out of the show to plug this damn movie. The only good thing is that Ryan almost flies off the stage and for a second looks authentically freaked out. Ha! There is a human under that spray tan! It's like the scene in Rocky IV - he's bleeds! He's not a machine!
It's Syesha! Yay! She looks fab, sounds great, and Seal shows up! Um... Seal is married to Heidi Klum, why is he wearing a tee shirt he bought from a vendor in Venice Beach? Anyway, there's strings and clapping and sassiness and I'm in love with Syesha.
Fashion break: Paula is wearing boobs and red satin and a fishtail and I think that in some strange way, the dress is standing in her truth. At least that's what she would say. Randy is wearing a red jacket that reminds me of an old timey ice cream malted vendor. Yumm... malteds. Simon is wearing all black and a smirk, which is to say he is really standing in his truth.
Back to the show! Jason Castro sings his highlight reel, which is only Hallelujah, but that's enough because he's awesome. Also awesome? Go to youtube, punch in Hallelujah and listen to as many versions as you can. Because it's one of the best songs ever written. I'm partial to the KD Lang version, myself.
Ford commercial. Fast forward thumb is getting a workout.
The Davids get hybrids, and all of sudden we're on Survivor. Don't take the car, Cookie! There's a curse!
The girls do Donna Summer. It hurts because it's bad. Amanda Overmyer is going to snap, ya'll. She looks pissed. I think she's going to break tiny little Ramielle in half and beat Kristy Lee Cook with the bigger half. Go Amanda! Do it!
But instead, we watch Brook still unable to dance.
They're all wearing red, by the way, because they're singing Bad Girls and that means that they're hookers and hookers wear red. Just so you know. The So You Think You Can Dance kids are back. Hi! And then Donna Summer shows up! Those ungrateful brats probably don't even know who she is, but I'm bouncing on my couch in joy, because secretly I'm a gay man. She's got a bedazzled mike!!! They do Last Dance and Syesha sings with her and I'm happy and gay in my living room. I'm so happy, in fact, that I didn't even write a joke for when Syesha sang "But when I'm bad, I'm so so bad." (Just kidding. I wrote a joke. The punchline is "Mariah Carey week")
Carly Smithson and Michael Johns do "The Letter" and all I can think is that if Carly just learned to sing without looking so damn angry, she could have had another two weeks.
Jimmy Kimmel - faster, remote, faster!
Summer of 69 is a great song. Period. It's a big group number, I'm buying it. And then the Davids do Heaven and I start to believe that Bryan Adams is in the wings and then there he is! Hi Bryan! I had a major crush on your floppy hair when I was twelve. I used to call KISS FM and request you all the time. Of course, all I can think of right now is the Bryan Adams joke from How I Met Your Mother. (If you don't watch the show, you should. It's funny.)
Jordin Sparks at Disney World - time to work out my fast forward skills again.
ZZ Top and David Cook and it's rad. Also, this video is great, go find it and relive the power of ZZ Top to remake a nerd into a badass.
Graham Nash and Brooke White sing Teach Your Children. She's in heaven right now, I love her. This is exactly what she should be doing forever, running around and performing with all the past hippies and being smiley and lovely and all sorts of Carly Simon-esque. I'll buy that album when it comes out.
The Jonas Brothers perform! And they're.... okay, I'm 33. I can't pretend. Fast forward.
We must endure bad auditions again, which I hate because they're as painful as they are pitiful. Remember the guy with the outfit that was a combination of Liberace and a bridal shower where they wrap toilet paper all over the bride? Yeah, him. He's back, and he sings his song about being your brother and the USC marching band and cheerleaders show up and Paula manages to get on stage because she chewed through her leash and Randy joins her and Simon... wears his smirk, firmly planted in his chair like a good judge should.
THAT is why the scary auditions happen. Because once a year, the producers reward it. And so the freaks will wrap silver toilet paper all over themselves and show up to auditions because maybe they'll be the sacrificial lamb in America's never ending thirst to humiliate.
One Republic shows up and sings their song and Archie joins them and it's actually good for three minutes.
Then they ruin it by going back to Matt Rogers in Salt Lake, who says it's the biggest party in Utah. Well... yeah.
Jordin Sparks sings. I hate her dress. The Disney costume department is not a mall, Jordin! Worse, the song is boring.
Tropic Thunder product placement PLUS it spits on the Goddess that is Gladys Knight. I'm not amused. Fast forward.
And THEN! Carrie Underwood. I LOVE it. The outfit is so hard to describe, but I must try: It's the spawn of Shania Twain and Stevie Nicks and the cast of The Hills all in one. She's miles of leg and chiffon bondage sleeves and I think the song may be about marrying someone before you know his last name. AWESOME. I wanna hang out with Carrie and get our hair dyed together and sneak a smoke with her when no one's looking. Carrie - call me!
Again with the top twelve, singing George Michael songs. Kristy Lee Cook - dear God, she sucks. Is Amanda sedated now? Did someone backstage take note of the rage and slip her lithium? Or is Nurse Amanda worried about a patient back at the hospital? Damn, woman, wake up! Castro is sucking it up and he's terribly embarrased. And then the guys sing Father Figure and David Hernandez whispers, which is great because he's in on the joke about his stripper past.
George Michael time!!!! He marches out and sings Praying For Time (Carrie Underwood sang it on Idol Gives Back) and... guys, I love George Michael (remember I said I was a gay man?), BUT when did he get to the icon status that says you don't have to sound good anymore? You know - like Aretha or The Stones, they don't have to sound good anymore. They just have to exist and sing their most famous songs because we love them regardless of old people vocal chords. George doesn't sound good. And I'm not certain he's quite up to that status yet. Oh, wait - he's claiming it's a cold. Hmm. Well, I love him, so I'll go along with that story. He's sick, guys. Stop making fun of him. God.
Finally, it's time. The Davids stand there and Seacrest gets an envelope and says "Your American Idol is-"
And then my DVR cuts off. Seriously.
Off to youtube! Where was I?
Oh, yeah. David Cook wins! Ha! America finally gets one right! It doesn't make up for the 2000 election, but I'll take any sign that America votes correctly occasionally! He cries and it's adorable and Mom appears out of nowhere and Archie is dignified (I really hope his Stage Dad continues to feed the little loser) and then Cookie sings the terrible winning song and calls all the Idols to stand with him on the mini stage in front of the judges. It's actually quite touching.
So David Cook is off to make a record that will hopefully be a little more Daughtry and little less Taylor Hicks. And this show is done until January of 2008.
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Politainment: McCain on Ellen
I'm still new to blogging, so I haven't yet figured out how to embed video on this site. Pathetic, I know, but look how much I learned in the first week already!
But it's vital that you click the link below and watch as Sen. John McCain proves that he's a homophobe who wishes gay people would just shut up and take the crumbs that the rightous hetero's have allotted them.
Fucking condescending prick.
I applaud Ellen for being a bigger and better person that Sen. McCain can ever hope to be, and I hope that her wedding is what brings many, many unenlighted people to the correct side of this issue.
Notice I did not call it a debate. A debate implies that there are valid points to both sides that can be defended. There is only one correct side here - the side that treats all gay people equally. Period.
Here's the Jezebel post (you may need to copy into your browser):
http://jezebel.com/5010556/ellen-pops-the-question-to-john-mccain-about-gay-marriage?autoplay=true
Dick as Dick
Richard Dreyfuss is in final negotiations to play Dick Cheney in W, the new Oliver Stone biopic about George "Whatta Man" Bush.
Dreyfuss could just wear the Cheney mask to the RIGHT or it can be saved for the Point Break sequel, I guess.
SOURCE and MASK
YES!!!!!!!!!
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And if it couldn't get any better, Andy Samberg does the lead chimp's voice.
SOURCE
To Watch: So You Think You Can Dance
American Idol recap is coming later tonight, but for now, top 5 reasons to watch So You Think You Can Dance... tell the monkey to give you more.
5. What else are you watching right now at 8pm on a Thursday? I'll forgive basketball playoffs - but you still can DVR this show.
4. The Choreographers. Mia Michaels is batshit crazy, but she always pulls something out of her modern dance ass that blows me away. Wade? Bring it! Shane Sparks? Make them pop! Dan Karaty? Only the flexible need apply! These are actual professionals who work with talented young professionals to create great performances.
3. Cat Deeley. A host that actually seems to care about the contestants??!? She's fab, and she actually looks like she's having fun. And she didn't snap Dominic's little pervy neck when he got stalker/creepy. Also, she's very tall. And watching the tiny little children have to look up at her is funny.
2. Dance is a demonstrable skill that not everyone thinks they have. Most sane people will tell you they can or cannot dance - but they mean at weddings or parties. To be a dancer is a whole different thing from dancing. This show is about dancers, and by the time it gets to the Semi's, there is ridiculous talent.
1. In a couple of months, you're actually going to care about some of these contestants based on skill and not looks. American Idol is so much about the voting blocks of tweens versus moms versus whomever. This show seems much more about crushing on a contestants skill than niche. Pasha. Neil. Hawk. Sabra. They were all standouts. They're dancers, so of course they're phsically attractive (dancers asses are perfection) but fans get really passionate about the ability to do a great extension, too. Which is awesome.
I didn't mention the judges because I don't have very many kind things to say about Mary Murphy. Unless I can kindly say "SHUT THE HELL UP THE WORLD DOES NOT NEED A PAULA ABDUL WHO SCREAMS!!!!" I don't think I can kindly say that.
Yes, it's a cheesy reality show. But as a television viewing society, I think we've admitted our love of the cheese, as long as there's substance to go along with.
So You Think You Can Dance
Fox
Thursdays, 8/7C
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
The Key Is A Steady Hand
Beerpong is coming to Wii.
No, seriously. I wouldn't kid about this.
http://www.pr.com/press-release/85700
American Idol Finale - Are You Fucking Kidding Me?
It started with a 15 minute extending boxing analogy, including Michael Goddamn Buffer (You know - "Let's get ready to ruuuummbllleeeeee") and Jim Fucking Lampley. (oh, Jim. Why would you sully yourself? Why?) And if you think it couldn't get more ridiculous than implying either of these two knows what boxing is, then you haven't heard the "winners" of the "songwriting" "competition". Details on how Collective Soul may sink the U.S.S. Cook on the other side of the link.
I need a deep breath before I start spewing all over the keyboard. Inhale. Exhale.
Nope, still pissy that this hour existed.
Clive Davis and Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber are on hand, presumably to assist the Davids in their search for greatness. Not really. Clive wants to see who can bow down to him best, and Sir Andy needs people to buy tickets to the Phantom sequel (no, really!) that takes place in Coney Island (not making that up). The first song (I refuse to call it a "round") is picked by Clive. Who chooses 'Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For' for Cookie and 'Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me' for Archie. So Cookie gets the cooler song and Archie gets one of the most overdone songs ever. Hmm, Clive is making his pick obvious.
So they both do well. Okay, great. But then the judges, for some reason, have secretly decided they want Archie to win. Because while he did a really good job, they practically bounce him on their laps and spoon feed him honey dipped apples and pet his shiny fauxhawk. Randy says the word "hot" about forty two times and Paula summons a sparkling pony from her hair and lets Archie take it home as a pet, and then Simon (Simon!) calls it the best thing Archie's ever done. He, of course, almost bursts into tears right there, because the poor kid is seventeen and this is all a little much for a child who might actually have never held hands with a girl or a boy. (I haven't decided his path quite yet)
Okay, next song. Oh, christ. It's the damn songwriting contest choice. They each pick one, and I refuse to give the songs anymore credibility than the stupid show has, so let's just say that they are both filled with physically impossible metaphors and reaching out to touch the dream of cupping the face of destiny and one of the songs says something about a window holding perfection and even Sir Andrew can't believe it, and he's the guy who wrote an entire musical from the perspective of talking trains.
The reaction is exactly the same as the first song. "Cookie - you're good. Archie, I've built an alter that can't open its eyes either, all for you."
Last song. They each get to pick anything. Any song in the world. Do you know how many songs have been sung in the English language? (I'm going to allow for the fact that they didn't have time to translate songs from other languages). Billions. The answer is billions of songs. So, of course, Archie chooses to redo 'Imagine' and Cookie chooses Collective Soul, 'The World I Know'.
A note about Collective Soul - I love them. Anyone who knows me has had to endure 'Needs' on repeat. But the finale of American Idol is not the place for lyrics that include "I drink myself of newfound pity/sitting alone in New York City/And I don't know why". See how that's different from Archie singing "Imagine all the people/living life in peace"? Kristy Lee Cook got another two weeks out of waving the American flag - and she screeches like a holler monkey. Clearly, the voting audience doth not like complex emotions.
So exactly what I thought was going to happen, happens. Cookie is deemed "nice, but not incredible." Archie is deemed "Awe inspiring". Of course, neither of those things are true. Cookie is forced to defend himself on picking a new song, because all of a sudden Simon (Simon!) wanted him to rehash something he sang well a few weeks ago... and, hey! Do you guys think Archie's psycho stage father got some good dirt on Simon and is forcing him to sway the votes to his kid? That might be a reasonable explanation.
So here we are. Voting blocks are going to be identical to what they were before this farce, so the whole point of this night was for Ford/iTunes/Coke to milk as much airtime as they can before the show ends for 2008.
Tonight - the announcement. Who. Will be. The next. American Idol.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Sports Night - 10th Anniversary DVD Announced!
So back in 2004, Buena Vista Television reluctantly released a bare bones DVD of the show Sports Night. They printed 75,000 in the hopes that maybe a few Sorkin fans would purchase. It sold out. As a matter of fact, this morning I went on a little hunt to see what used copies were going for (since they're out of print) and found them priced at about $70. Fans love this show, me included.
And now there is fantastic news - a long rumored 10th Anniversary Sports Night DVD is coming. And this time, it's not going to be an afterthought. Details by spanking the monkey link.
All 45 episodes! Commentaries! Hi-res! Two full discs of extras including gag reels and deleted scenes and that sex tape of me and Josh Charles (Not really. I've got that tape well hidden... in my imagination) But extras, finally - fans of this show have been waiting a long time.
If you don't know this show, I'd highly recommend getting to know it.
Release date: September 30th
Price: $69.99
Starring: Felicity Huffman, Peter Krause, Josh Charles, Robert Guillaume, Sabrina Lloyd, Josh Malina (recurring guest stars: William H. Macy, Teri Polo, Brenda Strong)
Sports: Horses and Lakers and the AL East - Oh, My.
Monkeymangames is sans internet at the moment, but that won't stop our intrepid sports monkey from posting...
Well it was an exciting week in sports this past week.
Big Brown won The Preakness and after his win at The Kentucky Derby is headed to New York for The Belmont in his attempt to win The Triple Crown. Big Brown would be the 1st horse since Affirmed in 1978 to accomplish the feat. Run like the wind Big Brown…run like the wind!!!
Basketball, baseball - and an actual hockey score await by telling the monkey link to give you more.
In Basketball News the Lakers beat the Jazz (come on there’s no Jazz in Utah) to advance to The Western Conference Finals against The Defending Champion San Antonio Spurs. The teams split the season series 2-2, with each team winning at home. The Lakers with the best record in the West have home court advantage in what will prove to be a very exciting match up. This Lakers fan says Lakers in 6 games. MVP!!! MVP!!!
The Boston Celtics needed 7 games to beat the #4 seeded Cavaliers and advance to The Eastern Conference Finals against The Pistons. The Celtics should be glad they have home court advantage here…as the Celtics were taken to game 7 by the #8 seeded Hawks and #4 Cav’s and the Pistons, seeded #2, have been to The Eastern Conference Finals 6years in a row and were last Champs in 2004. It’s been 22 years since the Celtics grabbed a trophy…this Lakers fan wants the Celtics to win so the Lakers can hand them their asses (much like the NY Giants did to another New England team in the Super Bowl) in the Finals.
In Puck news…the Stanley Cup is set up for a match up between The Detroit Red Wings and The Pittsburgh Penguins with the Red Wings vying for their 4th title in 11 years and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I just fell asleep…who gives a rats ass about Hockey.
In baseball news…The Yankees took the Rays spot in the AL East cellar as AROD continues to rehab in Tampa (he’s back in the Bronx tonight) and Jason Giambi made public his love for gold lame’ leopard print thongs to break slumps, and Jon Lester of the Red Sox pitched a no hitter in Fenway versus the Royals. Wait it was versus the Royals??? Put an asterisk on that one…the Royals suck.
A question to my readers…do I have any??? Do you want to hear recaps of stuff you can find in the paper? Or…are you looking for the more off beat investigative journalism that will make you both laugh and cry? Please tell me…I’m new at this and would love to get some direction.
Desperate Houswives, Desperate Measures
No one I know watches Desperate Housewives anymore. It used to be the way *itmonkey* and I got over the emotional beating that was Extreme Makeover Home Edition, but the plots got messy and the characters became people we hated. In the season finale this week, DH "borrowed" a device most recently used on Battlestar Galactica - leaping forward at the end of the episode to Five Years Later. What did we learn? Who cares? GALE HAROLD (Brian, Queer As Folk US)is playing Susan's husband-who-is-not-Mike-the-Plumber. And that gives me an excuse to put that picture up. He's signed up for next season, so apparently they're committed to the premise. Who cares? It's an excuse to watch GALE HAROLD.
Monday, May 19, 2008
My Dream Come True ... Zombies in 3D
George Romero is taking his original Dawn of the Dead and making it three dimensional!
I can't wait to see the zombie hari krishna dude in 3 D.
SOURCE
New Shows: Dollhouse, starring Eliza Dushku
Joss Whedon is back on television, taking a break from comics to launch his new show. Like Buffy and Angel, it will create a mythology and launch a million fanboys. Details on the other side of the link.
Eliza Dushku (Or as Monkey See, Monkey Doo Doo calls her: "La Dush") plays Echo, an Agent for The Dollhouse. Echo, along with two other "dolls", gets programmed with a new personality every week for clients of The Dollhouse. Their previous personalities are wiped clean between each assignment. Of course, something goes wrong and Echo starts to remember, but what those memories mean is for Whedon to write and for us to figure out over the course of a 13 episode order (may be extended to 22). At the same time, an FBI Agent (Tahmoh Penikett, from Battlestar Galactica) begins investigating, plus there may be a missing/rogue doll running around.
It sounds like a classic Whedon universe that explores what makes an individual, nature vs. nurture, and how much control anyone has over their own destiny. Details abound at Dollverse.com, and I've attached the link to the official trailer for the show.
http://www.dollverse.com/trailer/
Fox, 8pm Mondays
Mid January start, the lead in to 24.
Battlestar Recap - Don't Piss Off Mommy
So I watched Battlestar on Saturday morning, then spent a couple of hours with my mouth still hanging open. Because seriously, people - this show does not fuck around.
This week, the women of Galactica have a huge episode that shows you should never piss off Mommy....or there will be major consequences. Hera, Tory, Natalie, Geata, and the Cylon rebels all learned this the hard way. Spoilers abound of course....after the link.
***A note about Natalie - a friend and I had a debate about Natalie this weekend, so I did a little digging. Natalie made her first appearance this season in 'Six of One', and while she's never been called Natalie on the show, that is her name in scripts.
Okay, back to business. This shit is long, sorry, but it all matters. Hm... where to start? Let's see - how about when the Basestar jumps without the Demetrius and they almost get blasted out of the sky until super secret Cylon Tigh overrides Adama's fire order just in time for the Demetrius to get back to the fleet and save Starbucks/Athena's asses?
Um... Tory, if you're going to frak your boss's nemesis, maybe keep it more of a secret? Cause Laura Roslin isn't like our real President - she's smart. The look on Tory's face when she realized she was in trouble was amazing. Also amazing? Laura basically saying "If you're going to whore yourself out, you're doing it for me, Bitch." Tory runs off to do Laura's bidding and figure out how Baltar knew she was sharing visions with Cylons.
Gaeta spends the episode getting his leg chopped off and singing a lovely sad song in the hospital bay, and since he only has one leg, people let him. He's probably not the final Cylon because there are too many hints in that direction, but he's a major factor in what's to come.
Lee, not immune to Laura's gaze, originally tries to berate her for the usual due process bullshit, but this time Laura agrees to bring Natalie to the Quorum to explain why the plan to blow up the Hub is worth it for both parties. No hub, humans get to kill Cylons for real, whereas the Cylons now realize life is only precious if you could lose it. Win win? Not really... the Cylons really have a secret plan to use the humans to unbox Three, then keep hostages until Adama coughs up the final five.
Okay, now for Hera. Cute as a button little halfbreed freaks out Athena big time with her drawing pictures of a Six over and over again. Also freaky, anytime a little kid says "Bye-Bye" on a science fiction show. Between that and the fact that Natalie has already inquired about the littlest toaster, Athena is not happy.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that Natalie, Athena, and the President are all dreaming about the Opera house... (most likely Hera as well). Baltar is in the vision, which is why Laura gets him into a Raptor to go visit the Hybrid and figure out what the hell is going on.
Natalie decides that her hostage plan isn't very nice, and tells her fellow rebels so. They are reluctant to trust Adama, but Leoban agrees to speak to the Centurions (who, remember, are no longer slaves). Natalie goes back to Galactica to talk to Adama....
When what happens? Yeah, Hera does a runner straight to her, and it's adorable in how clearly Natalie is in love with the tyke. Athena pulls her gun with a very firm "Get the hell away from my child" in a hallway full of Marines. Telling Tyrol (not Chief anymore - sniff!)to get Hera out of the way, which he does in a lovely nod to backstory, you think Athena is going to holster and walk.
Uh, no. Bang. Bang. And just in case you think maybe Natalie could survive a couple of shots, bang bang bang.
That's enough drama, right? Nah.
Laura and Baltar go to the Hybrid, and Laura demands that someone plug Hybrid back in. They do. And the first and only thing the Hybrid says is... Jump.
Oh, shit.
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Sunday, May 18, 2008
Elah Elah Elah, Eh Eh Eh
Let me start off by saying I hated Crash (the Paul Haggis one, not the David Cronenberg one, cuz I dig car crash induced sex scenes). I thought it was a lame attempt by a rich, white, Scientologist to educate the world about racism. So when his new film, In the Valley of Elah, was released I was hesistant. I mean, I waited till it came out on DVD to even watch it. But let me tell you something … it is really a well-made film.
Haggis shoots the story of a father and ex-Arm sergeant (Tommy Lee Jones) like a suspense/thriller so our attention is always focused on the questions of why the kid died and who killed him. Then, the socio-political message of “war is hell” on the boys confined to it is delicately laced throughout (aside from the heavy handed last image of the film). Like all great films, this hard pill to swallow is coated in a murder mystery. What’s great about Haggis’ approach is that the mystery is not convoluted, in fact, at the end of the film I was left going, “Well of course PERSON X did it.” But he crafted such a good film that you’re mind doesn’t wander.
Susan Sarandon is under used (but brilliant) and a subplot with Charlize Theron as a single mother/detective and her child is a little underdeveloped, but Jones and the A story give this film real weight and make it a worthwhile rental.
GRADE: A-
FOOTNOTE: Haggis does something, along with John Hughes and a few other writer/directors, which really ANNOYS me. They have a separate title card for their names for WRITTEN BY and DIRECTED BY. Like their body of work is so prestigious that they deserve TWO titles for their names. It is silly, it is masturbatory, and it is a waist. If you wrote and directed something and even produced … PUT IT ON ONE TITLE CARD.
Friday, May 16, 2008
The Best Show On TV: New Battlestar Galactica Tonight
It's okay if you disagree with me about Battlestar being the best show on TV. You can nominate your favs in the comments. However, you would be wrong. BG is the best show on TV right now, period. Preview for tonight's all new episode after the jump. (Spoilers are up through last week, so be forewarned.)
From the preview Sci Fi showed, we'll be seeing Athena get a wee bit possessive over Hera. Which I understand, but why is the cute little Hybrid running around the Galactica unsupervised? And who the frack is babysitting these kids anyway? Helo and Athena just spent two months with Kara/Kurtz, and as far as I can tell, the only available sitter might have Duala, whom the writers have treated like a boxed Cylon. (Hmm... possible suspect for the 13th?)
And speaking of boxed Cylons... we should be running into a Three at some point. However, I'm not sure when they're going to unbox her, because the show would end rather abruptly if she could point at six individuals, say the word Cylon, and be done. My guess is that if she's unboxed relatively soon (by which I mean in the 2008 season finale, to be cliffhung until the 2009 premier of the last half of the season), then she'll most likely refuse to reveal the remaining six right away. If it's one thing this show loves, it's some dramatic tension.
The episode is called 'Guess What's Coming To Dinner', referring to Starbuck showing up with a Basestar for Mom & Dad, not to mention evil Boyfriend Leoban. I'd have to double check, but I do believe that's the first punny title of a show. Typically they are extremely straightforward ("33" or "Collaborators") or poetic ("Six of One", "Measure of Salvation"). It would be kind of awesome if they just decided to randomly script Battlestar: The Sitcom this episode. (I'd vote for a Nicky accidentally getting away from his nanny Duala and piloting a Raptor! Highjinks!)
Will Tory get more evil? Probs. Will Starbuck freak the frak out at some point tonight? Totes. Will Mary McDonnell continue to prove that the Emmy Awards are absolute bullshit? You bet your ass.
Battlestar Galactica
10/9C Sci Fi
Preview Here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8mpZxSW8HI
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I Got A Bad Case of "Scully" in My "Mulder"
Click below to see the trailer for the new X Files movie.
TRAILER
This post is a shout out to my Haji Baba buddy, Miss Mona.
Preggo is the new Pink!
It's no secret that a baby bump is the right here, right now Hollywood accessory -- we get it Angelina, you want to have your own army of good will ambassadors. You work that out girl...
I don't know about you, but I am ALWAYS the single girl at the baby shower that brings a gift that is fabulous and not on the registry. So, I was shopping for a friend's shower last week and stumbled upon this gem of a web site - www.littlelefties.com. It's filled with all kinds of socially-minded treats for baby. I bought the "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" sippy cup. But in honor of today's California Supreme Court ruling, I have chosen to picture my personal favorite "I heart my Uncles" onesie (I will need to stock up on these for my future army of good will ambassadors, cuz lord knows I have a boy-band filled with "uncles" for my future beebs to heart). Other faves include the "I heart my Mommies" bib and "Barbie is a Doll, not a Goal" toddler tee. So happy baby shopping savvy single gals!!
Give Me More, Monkey!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
California Love
Yeah I'm referencing a Tupac song...and not just so I can talk about how I don't believe Tupac is dead. (Honestly though. How could he have possibly had that amount of material recorded that would allow him to release that many albums posthumously????) No, no. It's because I love Tupac and I love California. Snaps to them and their Supreme Court. Today they became the second state to allow same-sex marriages after Massachusetts . I know some religious groups are going to protest and say that this means that this opens to the door to people marrying pandas, but they can all bite me. Butterstick and I don't need a piece of paper to validate our love...
But yay for California granting some basic civil rights. I really hope they don't fall into the ocean like my Nana says they're going to.
But yay for California granting some basic civil rights. I really hope they don't fall into the ocean like my Nana says they're going to.
Give Me More, Monkey!
Watch, DVR, or Dump? - SILF Edition
A couple of times of week, there's actual conflicts when trying to sort through the listings. WDD helps you out by recommending which shows you should watch, which ones you should DVR, and which shows you should dump like they were called According To Jim.
Watch, DVR, or Dump for Thursday May 15th, after the jump.
8pm
Watch Ugly Betty / DVR Smallville / Dump My Name Is Earl
Reasoning: Earl lost its footing somewhere around the coma plot, and I'm not attracted enough to Alyssa Milano to care about her unfunny turn as Billie the Shrew. Dump it. As for Smallville, the only reason it's on the list right now is because Michael Rosenbaum has officially announced his departure, so there's very little time left to love the bald stares of homoerotic passion he shoots towards Tom Welling. So Ugly Betty is clearly the right call for quick one liners and an ever ridiculous plotline that still manages to be as sweet as the title character.
9pm
Watch CSI / DVR The Office / Dump Grey's Anatomy
I know, I know... The Office is a better show than CSI. However, the Office is even better on DVR - half the fun is rewatching to see what's going on behind the speaking characters, plus all the better to view the flyers and posters on the walls. But I do have to say that CSI has been much stronger this season than last... the writers seem to have lightened up a bit. Of course, tonight is one of those "One of own is accused of something bad!" episodes, but with the emminent departure of Gary Dourdan to rehab any minute, it should be a good one. Dump Greys. I've never forgiven them for Gizzie (ugh!) and frankly, I loathe the 'patient as a metaphor for Meredith and Derrick' bullshit. Bye, bye, Grey's! We'll always have the 2006 Superbowl .
10pm
Watch Lost / DVR Without A Trace / Dump - ER
*OR Sandwiches That You Will Like (PBS)
So I don't really believe that Lindelof and Cuse (producers) really know where they're headed in Lost. A general idea about time shifting, yes. Specific explanations for the Smoke Monster, Adam & Eve, etc - no. Yet the show still gets me. I'm a sucker for backstory, and Lost provides that like no other. If you like procedurals, Without A Trace is like a being rocked to sleep by a nanny you love... perfect DVR material to watch while you're sorting laundry or cooking. Dump ER. They started recycling stories like six years ago, and I don't think Steve Buscemi is going to be able to fix that in one trip to County General.
But if you hate procedurals, then the hit tonight will be Sandwiches That You Will Like on PBS, where host Rick Sebak runs around the country and shows you fabulous ways to stuff meat into bread. I want his job.
Give Me More, Monkey!
My Left Foot ... Is A Tappin'
Daniel Day-Lewis is in talks to star in Rob Marshall's movie adaptation of the Broadway Musical Nine (based on the Federico Fellini masterpiece 8 1/2).
Next up for Day-Lewis, a musical version of There Will Be Blood with music by Kelis.
SOURCE
Attention Gay Men & Women Over Thirty! NKOTB on the Today Show!
When I was fifteen, my best friend and I butchered "I'll Be Loving You" into "We'll Be Loving Dad" in order to persuade my father to buy us New Kids on the Block tickets. We sang on the top steps of the fountain in a mall. Teenage girls do not publicly humilate themselves in mall without a good reason - and mine was Jonathan Knight. Dreamy.
Well, they're back, and Friday they do a little public humiliation of themselves on the Today Show.... It's gonna be glorious. First of all, they do have a new single, "Summertime", which isn't terrible if you're fifteen. I'm not anymore, but who cares - this will be the first time I've DVR'd the Today Show since Katie had a colonoscopy.
The best part about a TV moment like this is either a) they'll be terrible and you get to see the carnage or b) they'll be awesome and you get to watch the triumphant return of those dance moves. This is a win win.
Set your Tivo/DVR the Today Show right now. Go.
NKOTB goes on tour with people half their age this summer (actually less than half their age) as they join Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers. I'm convinced they got put on the bill to entertain the parents and babysitters who are forced to attend the show. Which is awesome. Someone in the audience needs to know all the words to "Please Don't Go Girl" and "Step by Step".
Give Me More, Monkey!
You Had to Call the Black Guy a Monkey...
Admittedly, I thought I'd like to find something about monkeys to write about for my first post. I didn't really think I'd be able to so much because, you know, I'm writing about politics...but oh no. I should never underestimate the South. For the record, I say that as somebody born below the Mason-Dixon line. That's why this especially makes my soul bleed...
There's a fricking bar in Marietta, GA, that's selling this tshirt...And the assmonkey owner basically responded, "I'm not a racist...he DOES look like a monkey." Oh, woof. Really, guy!?!? THAT'S your defense? Seriously. The 14th Amendment happened 140 years ago...it's time to let it go.
Elsewhere, this Primary is STILL going on (hurry up June 3rd), Myanmar has clearly done something to anger Jesus (and by Jesus, I mean Buddha)...oh and there's like a jillion people dead in China.
Cpt. America is just L-I-V-I-N
Matthew McConaugh-HEY is in talks to play Captain America.
That is a decision I can get behind. Who am I kidding? That's a decision I'd get in FRONT of.
SOURCE
PS The picture to the RIGHT is the first in a long, series where this blogger will objectify the male body by highlighting and showing images of hot men's DAVIDS.
PSS What is a DAVID? Well, it is the gorgeous indentation on the sides of men's hip (well some), taken from the classic "David" sculpture. They are natural signposts. An arrow, if you will, pointing towards a man's holy grail.
PSSS This POST was NOT just an excuse to show a naked man and his pubes.
PSSSS Okay, maybe it didn't start that way but it turned into it.
PSSSSS Don't you judge me, Earl.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
American Idol Results Show
So everyone who's ever watched American Idol saw this one coming - the All David Final. But before that announcement comes the traditional "send them home and see who cries" filler hour... and let the waterworks begin!
Give Me More, Monkey!
Archie goes back to Utah and gets sent to a mall (really?) and bawls like a cute little monkey who's parents are using him to live out their dreams. Speaking of which - Stage Dad is only shown briefly - Nigel must have spoken to security. He goes to his hometown concert, where his mayor (having escaped from Deadwood with his handlebar mustache intact) awards him with the usual proclamation of Utah-ness. Back on stage, they try to fake us out with the whole "we'll see if he makes it", but please. This has been ordained for a while.
Syesha goes to Florida and gets sent to an AT&T store (REALLY?), and then visits her family. She calls her Mom "Mommy" which totally gets me, then her drug addicted father says how she's his new blow. (Not in those exact words, but that's the gist.) Back to her high school, where she talks about dreams coming true and basically pulls a Paula. The Fox News helicopter takes her to her concert, where the mayor thrills me by being a little old lady who does a handstand - you go, Old Lady Mayor! Back in the limo, Syesha bawls. She says it's because her dream is unfolding, but we all know it's because the producers explained to her that the ratings are demanding an all David Final.
David Cook gets pulled on stage and is forced to humiliate his brother by pointing out that Drew was the one who was, in fact, auditioning. He made it, his brother didn't. Ha! Off to Kansas City, where he plays with the Fox affiliate green screen while Bon Jovi is in the background assuring him that Tommy and Gina are voting for him, cause he's only half way there. He actually sings Living On A Prayer at his show, and they cut to his brother singing along in the audience, most likely already planning how he's going to shove David down a flight of stairs ala Showgirls to claim his rightful place in the spotlight. Back to high school so he can hug his adorable music teacher, then he gets a parade. An actual marching banded, cheerleaded, convertible with his jealous brother by his side parade. He throws the first pitch out at a Royals game - believe me, they can't do much better than an American Idol, then actually cries for a second. Which I didn't think was going to happen, so pretty much that's the only thing that surprised me for an hour.
They finally get back to the live show, in which the three are lined up there with whatever is wearing the skin that used to be Ryan Seacrest (that's not a human, I don't care what they try to pull over on us). Cook is calm, Archie looks like he's gonna puke, and Syesha has the look of the damned. The Seacrest-like Thing makes the judges talk, and Randy says his usual bullshit and Paula babbles for so long that I pass out, and Simon stuns everyone by using the word "humdinger". I don't know why that's what throws them, when they've got a Cylon host, but whatevs.
Dim the lights! The Shiny Orange Thing announces Archie is in first - which is such a dick move. Syesha's only prayer was beating him, so that was basically like the producers saying "Pull your shit together to sing now while we continue with some false anticipation". And then The Blinding White Fake Teeth Thing tells David Cook he's in (Shocking, I say! Shocking!) and hands the mike to Syesha to sing her unwanted self off the show.
Best part? She sings Alicia Keys again, and throws down. And doesn't shed a tear.
Which, good for her. She was treated like the red headed stepchild for weeks, and still managed to get better each round. Godspeed Syesha - it'll probably be Broadway instead of a record deal, but that's still better than having to sing whatever god awful song the winner is going to have to force out next week.
And Now For Sports
Ok...So I figure if I am going to write about sports...I best reveal my biases so you know where I am coming from:
Baseball: The New York Yankees- Grampa was a Yankee fan, Dad is a Yankee fan, I am a Yankee fan...3 generations of Bombers!!! (also a Dodger fan... I'm from Southern CA and you always need an NL team as well...but also a Cub fan...due to 2 years in The Windy City). Baseball is my favorite sport by far, and most nights I can be found in the Right Field Bleachers at The Stadium. Currently Yankees stink and are 20-21, Dodgers 19-19 and Cubs 23-16.
Basketball: Los Angeles Lakers- I have found living in the East it's hard to follow West Cost teams...but The Lakers do see a lot of prime time! Kobe wins first MVP Ever...wassup with that? Took ya long enough! Lakers currently in second round of playoffs with Utah Jazz and tied 2-2
Football: Egads finally The New York Giants won the Super Bowl...and did it by defeating the undefeated Patriots...haha 19-1!!! I even attended the ceremonies down at City Hall in Manhattan after the parade. It's nice to enter the season defending champs.
As for the big 3 sports that's it folks...Although my writing will not only be about baseball...'tis the season. But we have The Olympics fast approaching, Tiger coming back to the tee, Danica Patrick seeing checkered flags, horses breaking down and some sport that involves ice, sticks and a flattened can...sorry not a huge hockey fan...and maybe even a word or two about the world of bowling!!! 'til then
Shout Out to "It Monkey"
Going along with the Sex and the City theme, here is a web page that has every trailer, teaser, TV spot, and even a featurette for the upcoming movie.
CLICK HERE
SJP still reigns as my style hero!
Like any respectable woman in her late 20's (or 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's...ok, ANY woman or gay man or straight man who wants to get laid), i am waiting with baited breath for May 30th to arrive (the release of the Sex and the City movie for those of you who don't kow or don't care, BTW, the thought of such a person existing breaks my heart a little). Anyway, I've watched every trailer 100 million times, in fact when i fast forward the commercials on my TIVO, I stop and watch the SATC ones -- I get it, it's pathetic!Cut to yesterday morning, 6 am, I'm checking my email on my blackberry before I get out of bed (yep, I'm THAT girl) -- imagine my ELATION upon opening an email from a fabulous friend on the east coast entitled "I will do anything in my power to get you this hat" and then seeing SJP on the red carpet at the London premier of the movie. Once again she proves to be my style hero. She takes risks and wins BIG with this one! It is nothing short of brilliant. Let's dissect it, shall we?? The look can be broken down into 2 components: The Hat and The rest.
*The Hat: Let's be honest, it is a work of art. Perhaps I feel this way because I would hope that when faced with the decision to make a bold fashion statement, I would error on the side of this hat!! Therefore the natural defense for such a choice would either be "Because I can" or "It's a work of art" or both! Some background on the hat: Apparently SJP approached designer Phillip Treacy last week about making her a hat for the premier (after all, it IS London) and didn't see the finished product until 2 hours before the event. When asked by People magazine what Mr. Treacy's inspiration for the design was, Nina Farnell-Watson, his spokes-person (because every hat designer needs a spokes-person) replied "Well, his mother kept chickens and geese, so he loves feathers and manipulating feathers". Curious. For future reference Phillip, the purpose of having a "spokes-person" is so that you don't look like an idiot. You are designing a work of art for one of the most iconic fashionistas in the world and the best your "spokes-person" could come up with was your mother's chickens and geese!? I mean, HONESTLY!!!
*The Rest: Although the hat has been getting all of the attention, the rest of the look is super fabulous as well. The leaf-green silk tulle custom-made dress by Alexander McQueen (um, duh.) is so spring time in the city! It is young and fresh and I LOVE it! Throw in some vintage platinum jewels by Fred Leighton and finish it off with a pair of emerald green patent leather peep-toed Christian Louboutin heels, and my friends you have yourself a fashion statement! I can't wait to see what she pulls out for the NYC premier!
So, cheers and snaps to SJP, who time and time again shows us that fashion can be risky and FUN! Tonight I will be crawling under my bed and digging out my hat boxes filled with lovely hats (both vintage and new). I have been saying for quite some time now that the hat needs to be reinvented. So thanks SJP, I am now inspired to put those thoughts in to action. I will take the fashion torch and run with it!
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